Crying Inside
by dansyngqueen
Summary: Every time I see them kiss, a piece of my heart breaks away. He never kissed me like that. Inspired by a song. Oneshot, slash.


Ok, so this is my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I was listening to some music, and I got inspired. Hence the song lyrics. If you dig it, leave me love, if not, let me know what could have been better. Enjoy!

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"I pretend that I'm glad you went away  
These four walls closing more everyday  
And I'm dying inside  
And nobody knows it but me  
Like a clown, I put on a show  
The pain is real even if nobody knows  
And I'm crying inside  
And nobody knows it but me  
Why didn't I say the things I needed to say?  
How could I let my angel get away?  
Now my world is tumbling down  
I can say it so clearly  
But you're nowhere around"  
Nobody Knows – Tony Rich Project

A small sigh escapes my lips as I watch the thing that makes me yearn for a different life. Things have been this way for years, yet my  
heart still skips a beat every time I see it.

It's Stan, the only man I've ever loved, kissing the only man he's ever loved. How badly I envy him-Kyle. I didn't know that it was possible for me to hate someone, respect them, and want to be them all at the same time. It is. I still can't believe it. Stan used to be mine; we were in love. When he told me how he felt about Kyle, it was like everything had all been a dream. I do my best to hide my true  
feelings, nobody else needs to know. But every time I see them kiss, a piece of my heart breaks away. He never kissed me like that.

The way that Stan kisses Kyle, you know they would do anything for each other. They have always been there for each other, and nothing can ever tear them apart. I know that he will never come back to me. Every morning when I wake up, he is the first thought in my mind. Every night, my dreams taunt me. He always comes back to me in my dreams. He tells me he's sorry and that I'm the one he's been  
in love with all along. For a brief moment, I'm happy. He leans in for a kiss, and then I'm awake. Always I wake up in just enough time to  
realize that he's gone, and he's never coming back.

So now, as I stare at him from across the room in Craig's basement, I wish that I was dreaming, because all I want is for Stan to walk up to me and throw his arms around me. He would gently tip me back and press his beautiful pouty lips against my own desiring mouth. I  
shiver from the thought.

"Wen-dy, let's go upstairs and dance!" my best friend shouts at me over the noise of the party.

I fake a smile, nod, and start to follow Bebe through rows of partiers over to the stairs. Throwing another glance at Stan, I suddenly realize that he is alone. Sitting all by himself in a little couch in the corner of the basement. He smiles as his crystal blue eyes survey the  
room.

Never making eye contact, I contemplate approaching him. My decision is made when Craig steps out in front of Bebe and me.

"Wanna take some shots, ladies?" Craig inquires, shaking a bottle of whiskey at us.

"Hell yeah," Bebe purrs and I know that this is my escape. I watch for a second as Bebe wraps her arm around Craig's waist and they scamper off. If I wasn't so focused on Stan, I would probably think that she was acting slutty. But I have a goal, and nothing can stop me.

My heart beats a thousand times faster with every step I take. A hot blush creeps into my cheeks. God, I hope I look pretty. Every time I know I'll be the same place as Stan, I try to look drop-dead gorgeous. Blood rushes to my ears in pounding beats as my feet come to a  
halt right in front of him.

When I finally speak, I barely recognize my own voice. "Hi…Stan."

The deep blueness of his eyes steals my breath.

"Hey Wendy, what's up?" Wow, I miss the sound of his voice. It has the power to make my entire body shake.

I'm frozen in time. I can't move. All I can manage is for my quivering lips to form a distorted half-smile.

"Are you okay?" he asks me. He seems nervous.

I can't do this. My throat feels like it's been deprived of water for days. With a voice that cracks, I whisper "I just wanted to come say hi."  
Stan nods his head and his body relaxes. "Oh…cool. Hi." Then, he sharply averts his gaze elsewhere and flashes a pearly grin atsomeone that I can't see. But I don't need to see. I know who he's smiling at.

My eyes helplessly follow Stan as he stands and walks towards Kyle. Passionately he throws his arms around the tall red-head. Gently  
leaning Kyle back, Stan closes his eyes and kisses him with a hunger I have never seen before. Lovingly, he brushes a hand to Kyle's face  
as their lips dance together. My heart sinks lower as I watch the heat between the two lovers increase.

Once again, I failed. He got away. Defeated, I turn away and trudge toward the stairs. The party rages on around me as I walk through  
it unnoticed. No one knows how I am slowly dying inside. Many nights I pray. I pray that someday, I can learn to love someone else.  
Someone who can love me back. A cold wind stings my eyes as I step out the front door, making me realize that the tears have already  
started to fall. The roar of my car engine silences my sobs. Finally I reach my house. Wrapped in warm blankets, I drift off to sleep. Painful  
dreams await me.

"How blue can you get?  
You can ask my heart  
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart  
A million words couldn't say  
Just how I feel  
A million years from now you know  
I'll be loving you still"  
Nobody Knows – Tony Rich Project


End file.
